look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize