We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
