You're a womanizer and a bitch.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
