I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
