Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Randomize
