So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Randomize
