I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
it glows. i had to have it.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
