it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize