he puts the penis in happiness.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
