Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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