You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
