Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
