Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
