I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize