you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
