never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
