I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We are all done wearing pants today
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize