and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
