ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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