Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We are all done wearing pants today
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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