Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He kissed a someone with a penis
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
