That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
