i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
