So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize