All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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