what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
