thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
