"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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