Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
