Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
