Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
