wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
