marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
