Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
