I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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