can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
