I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Best friends brother. Beat that.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
