thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
