Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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