If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Drake has all the answers
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
