i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
