You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
