I showed him my bush... on skype.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
