You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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