The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
