i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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