I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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