so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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