Four minutes until I can fart!
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
No subtext here. People are naked.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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