the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
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