her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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