You're so nebulous sometimes
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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