dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
