This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
