My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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