i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
