cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
