He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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