areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
