I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
