OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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