don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
