so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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