i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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