Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize