just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Operation Purity has been aborted
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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