Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
