I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
