you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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