does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
